Noteworthy Text Messages

This is a collection of random texts, that I have sent and received, which I felt would be necessary to share with the world. Enjoy.

Here’s the cast for this assortment:

• SanDiego – girl I’ve been hanging out with on the regs*
• Sausage – roommate
• WhiteRice – roommate
  
  
• *Regs: Adjective – Short for regular – usual; normal; customary; rhythmical. Describes something on a consistent basis when used in the above context. EX: We’re chillin’ on the regs dude.

Me: Nice you definitely coulda stayed in bed all day

SanDiego: Yeah and boned like 50 more times

Me: Haha you have no idea how sore I am. I think I need a week off.

SanDiego: Your penis or your body?

Me: My penis. When do I get to see you again?

SanDiego: When your penis is healed.

Me: Nice.

***

SanDiego: Bad news: Just got my period. Good News: Not preggers.

(phew)

***

SanDiego: I’d like to let you know that I’m under my covers with nothing but my red lace panties.

Me: That’s goin up on the blog I hope you know.

SanDiego: I am honored.

***

SanDiego: My room is a mess. Like my life. Maybe I just need sex.

Me: I think you just need a good dickin down. From me.

SanDiego: I just need to clean my room, a shower, and a good P in my V.

Me: You could use a good pee in vagee. I mean, I could give you that, if you really need it…

SanDiego: I mean, if you help me out I would consider you a true friend.

***

SanDiego: All I want is for you to ejaculate in my brain. I win.

***

Sausage: I hate you so much right now. Like even my dick is angry.

***

Me: Ey, pick up a nerf gun on your way back from CVS.

Sausage: What? Are you serious?

***

(On a night when SanDiego was over, giving me a heads up as to when he was coming home.)

Sausage: Yo, I’m comin back to PHN soon so ya betta finish yo shit.

(While doing the dirty)

Me: Gimme like 20 more min

Sausage: OK

(20 minutes later)

Me: Hey I just came. You can come home now.

***

WhiteRice: There’s a fine ass Asian girl in my class right now. Like suuppppperrrrrrrr fineeeeeeeeee.

Me: Dick her dude.

***

WhiteRice: You know what pisses me off? Fat bitches who kiss the professor’s ass. Stupid cunts.

***

WhiteRice: Did you know that Sausage fucked that girl with a MAGNUM?! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Me: That’s why he’d be a good porn star dude.

***

WhiteRice: I hate dudes that look and talk like faggots and play it off like they don’t know they’re gay.

More later. Hope you enjoyed. I have a pretty interesting mobile life huh?