Back in high school my best friends and I had our list of hottest girls that we would never get with. Of course, many times we’d argue about the rankings and who was truly number one. Sometimes it was that chick with the uber fat booty; you know who you are. Other days it was the really quiet underrated girl that no one thought to even rank. We’d pick out the stereotypical hot cheerleaders and dance girls, or the just that group of girls who were known for their proficiency in Party 101. A large percentage of our ranks were populated by girls of lower classes, because well, we had seen so much of the girls our age and we really just got bored. I know; that’s pretty dickey.
Anyway, there was this one girl. Unsurprisingly, she was two years younger than us. We’ll just call her Karissa for now. My buddy RawDawg (He came up with that name for himself. I don’t think I need to go into any explanation of what it means. Let’s just say it suits him really well) and I had our eyes on her throughout all of her glorious development. She wasn’t anything spectacular her freshman year, but by her junior year she was absolutely gorgeous; long and lean legs, perfectly bronzed skin, a juicy rump, I have to say really full and perky D cups, and an exceptionally cute face. Day in and day out, during our routine conversations of all the hottest girls we could never have because “they were too stuck up”, we fantasized about her.
Nonetheless, time went by and time went by. I think we all know what time physically does to people right? Well, we graduated, went off to school and she did the same. Luckily facebook, being the amazing social networking tool that it is, kept us posted on the changes her body was going through. Basically, she got fat. I know it’s terrible of me to dwell on this topic again, but whatever man. Anyway, she was a different type of fat. There are two types of fat in this world:
1) Sloppy, downright unattractive, and smelly fat. You would never want to get with this type of fat because, well, it’s just not socially acceptable and your friends would just really make fun of you. Unless of course you’re into that type of thing.
2) Overly voluptuous-uber thicky thick-border line too fat- still really pretty in the face-you can see evidence of a dime piece somewhere underneath the 50 or 60 lbs of unnecessary baggage-fat. This type of fat is more socially acceptable among your friends for one reason or another.
Karissa had become a #2. She was pushing her luck though. Had she gained about 5 more pounds she would’ve eaten herself right into the #1 spot. Anyway, RawDawg and I were speaking over the phone, as we hadn’t chatted in a while due to his arrangements with school.
First we caught up on each others’ lives. “How’s school, work, girls, etc.” Eventually we got to what we were really good at doing; judging girls and rating them based on physical attractiveness. As usual, this was done using facebook, because of its photographic cataloging qualities. We came across Karissa. And upon taking note of her drastic physical transformation, we identified where she stood in our ranks. It was at this moment that her level of beauty really became questionable.
RawDawg: “I really wanna bang Karissa”
Me: “Like now? Or 40 pounds ago?”
RawDawg: “Well, I’d still do her now.”
Me: “I dunno man. I really don’t know. “
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