Everyone has that one thing. That one thing has the power to really turn your life around and throw it into a direction you don’t want it go. Whatever it may be, we all have one. Even more so, everyone has that kryptonite when it comes to drinking. Some can’t handle dark, whiskey-type liquors “because anything dark can’t possibly be good for your stomach,” for others its beer because it’s so filling, and still others can’t handle the idea of Gin, because, well, it’s gross. Now, I’m nowhere near old enough to say that I have tried a variety of different alcohols and liquors, but at my tender age of 20, I’m 100% sure that I know my kryptonite.
I was 16 and it was a Friday night. This Friday night was going to be different than all of my previous Friday nights; tonight I was going to get drunk for the first time…REALLY drunk. It started off not looking so hot.
RawDawg’s parents weren’t home; they were having a night out and would be home pretty late. I was stuck at home with family and without a car; very few of my friends had a car. RawDawg, myself, and our other friend Taco were looking to set up some sort of get together at RawDawg’s. After being resourceful and hitching a ride with a friend to get out of my house, I met up at RawDawg’s where Taco exhibited his resourcefulness; a 1.75 liter handle of Bacardi Limon. This was like gold at that age.
It was just the three of us at that point, along with RawDawg’s younger brother, whom we commanded responsibility of babysitter. We started drinking; rapidly. I knew nothing about controlling or pacing myself, plus, it tasted like water. We started off with a few card games. Shots were taken at the end.
About 30 minutes later, I was feeling pretty tipsy. I liked this feeling I had never felt before. I was so happy and having a great time. Little did I know of my misfortune to come in my very near future.
A couple of friends started to show up. The most memorable was DB. DB was the girl everyone wanted but no one could have; super cute, super funny, and super cool. I was impaired so I thought I should flirt with her a little bit. Not such a good idea. Apparently I was creep and I got a door slammed on my hand. Good thing I was numb and couldn’t feel it. Luckily she was nice, and understood I was drunk, so it was no biggie at school the following Monday.
Anyway, I felt like I could just keep on drinking and drinking. So I thought to myself “Fuck the shot glasses” and began to just chug straight from the bottle. It was so smooth and so Lemony! So delicious! I became a leader by example; RawDawg and Taco were also chugging straight from the handle. It was all us baby; just us and the Bacardi.
The rest of the night gets really hazy, as I was on the verge of blacking out.
The guests left, since they weren’t really getting drunk. Who cared anyway, RawDawg, Taco, and I were having a blast.
- Taco fell down the extremely long stair case at least five times.
- I slammed my head into a couple of different walls.
- We were obviously on a downward spiral. RawDawg decided to make himself vomit to “sober up.”
- Somehow I ended up in RawDawg’s bedroom with Taco. Taco passed out on the bed, where he proceeded to puke all over RawDawg’s sheets.
- I thought I was passing out on the floor. That was before I turned over and puked the beef my mom had cooked earlier right into his carpet. Physically exhausted, I dropped my forehead right into it.
- RawDawg was obviously pissed. I got a few good punches in the stomach. Apparently, me telling him that he was actually hurting me didn’t stop him. Oh well…
- He pulled me up and directed me to the bathroom. All three of us rendezvoused in there.
- Taco was puking guts in the toilet. RawDawg was vomiting in sink #1. I was blowing chunks in sink #2. I wish someone took a picture of this.
- Eventually the messes got cleaned up, with the help of RawDawg’s little brother, before the parents got home.
We awoke the next morning with the worst hangovers ever. That was certainly the worst I have ever had. Taco was naked in bed. I was on the floor. Who knows where RawDawg slept?
To this day, I haven’t touched that dirty bitch known as Bacardi Limon. I can’t think of her without gagging. I know RawDawg and Taco feel the same way. She fucked us over. She scarred us for life. But I mean, rightfully so. We three amigos collectively ran a train on her. We gang raped her; and she pretty much cut our dicks off and let us knew that if they ever grew back, she’d do it again.
I have been pretty drunk in the 5 or so years of experience I have under my belt. No matter how smashed and plastered I’ve ever been, no matter how much I’ve puked, nothing has been as bad as that night. Bacardi Limon is my kryptonite.
I will never drink it ever again in my life.
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